I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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