I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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