i permit you to call me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
