If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
