I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
