So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
