i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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