3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Houston, we have a blender
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
