Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Soap is not a condiment
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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