I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
COCAINE IS GR8
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
