therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Of course I have a pirate flag
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
