He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize