What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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