he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You ruined the universe
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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