I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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