I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There r osticjed everywhere
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
