Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
