Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
