I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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