His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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