Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Even my vagina gasped.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
