I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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