3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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