He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
