those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
