I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
