dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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