Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
