I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
