They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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