i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
