Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
