i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
