I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
