All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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