Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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