i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
