Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
