oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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