somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dignity is for republicans.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
