Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i think my cat just said my name.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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