I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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