His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
