I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
