I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize