i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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