living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
