6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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