I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
