apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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