I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Damn victory sex feels great
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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