i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
