I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
