Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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