I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
