how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
