ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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