Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
