This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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