don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
