Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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