walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
