i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
