Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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