So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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