Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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