god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
