sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You're like the curious george of whores
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
