Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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