She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
