When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
