The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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