I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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