the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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