my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
